Sick

God, writing all this stuff down really makes me realise how whiny I am! I was about to start complaining about how sick I feel and I thought, "God, how boring".

Ok, so no talk about how sick I am. Positivity. It really is all in the mind. Patricia at work was telling me today about a cult her sister is in. They have a social event/group for every possible thing you could be interested in - Karate, Playing the Tuba, Synchronised swimming, whatever. So at any hour, no matter what you feel like doing, you can be in the group of like-minded cultish people. It sounds really interesting. Not sure why but from time to time a cult existence appeals to me. I think I may be one of those people that may be really susceptible to that. I think the idea of always having supportive people around, and always having techniques to be strong and happy will always appeal- but it isn't really personal strength - it's the strength of the group. Any opinions out there?

I accidentally forgot about my horn lesson today - I was so devastated and ashamed that I nearly cried. I really want to start a little group, but I am really doubting if I would have the time. I wonder if anyone will read this and contact me? I need an arranger or some arranging lessons too. There is so much to do - I want to learn Italian too.

We have been talking about the farm today. Need to get a Good Life Book Club catalogue. I read like a machine and at the moment my mind is going to mush reading Bret Easton Ellis "Less Than Zero". Cleverly has illustrated to me how to waste a life. A cautionary tale. I am going to stop this immediately, order a catalogue and get out of this Robert Downey junior scenario.